Anyway, all the talk about classic books earlier this week reminded me of this fabulous article that featured twenty classic novels in twitter-esque phrases. So fabulous. Hope you enjoy as much as I did. :)
From Mike Speegle:
1. Gone with the Wind: Scarlett falls in and out of love. A LOT. Also war. But tomorrow’s another day. Damns given: 0. The end.
2. The Metamorphosis: Gregor is so bad at being human that he turns into a big ol’ bug. Then: death by apple. The end.
3. Charlotte’s Web: Weirdly enough, the best character is the spider. She stops bacon from happening, has a bunch of kids, dies. The end.
4. Dracula: There is a vampire. The good guys kill him. No sexiness, no pathos, and no f*****g sparkle. The end.
5. 1984: Watch this dude throw off the shackles of stifling totalitarianism. Just kidding. The end.
6. Carrie: Those awkward teenage years plus telekinesis and pig blood. The end.
7. As I Lay Dying: They walked some and she died and now some musings on carpentry. His mother was a fish. The end.
8. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: The secondary character from that other thing is the main guy in this thing. Rivers. The end.
9. Infinite Jest: Tennis and drugs and capitalism and Quebec and a movie that kills you kinda. But mostly: footnotes. The end.
10. The Great Gatsby: Guy fakes being rich so hard that he becomes rich but…unhappy? Anyway he dies. The end.
11. LOTR: Classic English literature repackaged with 300% more elves. The end.
12. A Clockwork Orange (UK): An ultraviolent young droog eventually learns the error of his ways. The end.
13. A Clockwork Orange (US): An ultraviolent young droog never learns the error of his ways. The end.
14. Stranger in a Strange Land: Martian Jesus groks all the answers. Water. The end. (Discarded joke: “He groks on water.”)
15. “The Tell-Tale Heart”: His eye freaked me out so I chopped him up and hid him in the floor! Oh, then I immediately confessed. The end.
15a. “The Tell-Tale Heart” alternate version: “I didn’t kill that guy! Okay i killed that guy. He’s in the floor.” The end.
16. Moby Dick: It turns out you can’t kill Mother Nature’s disdain for man with a harpoon. Also: Queequeg’s Coffin is an awesome band name. The end.
17. Lord of the Flies: About a jillion reasons why boys need parental supervision. RIP Piggy. The end.
18. Fahrenheit 451: Hedonistic, anti-intellectual society burns books. Guy named Guy thinks this is bad. Then: nukes. The end.
19. Brave New World: Hedonistic, anti-intellectuals find “savage” son of exile. But society sucks so he hangs himself. The end.
20. To Kill a Mockingbird: 2 weirdname kids & their weirdname dad try & fight racism. Then 3rd weirdname guy saves them kinda? The end.