Friday, July 4, 2014

Feature Friday: 20 Classic Novels in 140 Characters or Fewer

Happy Independence day to my fellow Yankees!  And to my British friends... sorry?  Let's hug it out over some watermelon, yes?

Anyway, all the talk about classic books earlier this week reminded me of this fabulous article that featured twenty classic novels in twitter-esque phrases.  So fabulous.  Hope you enjoy as much as I did. :)

From Mike Speegle:

1. Gone with the Wind: Scarlett falls in and out of love. A LOT. Also war. But tomorrow’s another day. Damns given: 0. The end.

2. The Metamorphosis: Gregor is so bad at being human that he turns into a big ol’ bug. Then: death by apple. The end.

3. Charlotte’s Web: Weirdly enough, the best character is the spider. She stops bacon from happening, has a bunch of kids, dies. The end.

4. Dracula: There is a vampire. The good guys kill him. No sexiness, no pathos, and no f*****g sparkle. The end.

5. 1984: Watch this dude throw off the shackles of stifling totalitarianism. Just kidding. The end.

6. Carrie: Those awkward teenage years plus telekinesis and pig blood. The end.

7. As I Lay Dying: They walked some and she died and now some musings on carpentry. His mother was a fish. The end.

8. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: The secondary character from that other thing is the main guy in this thing. Rivers. The end.

9. Infinite Jest: Tennis and drugs and capitalism and Quebec and a movie that kills you kinda. But mostly: footnotes. The end.

10. The Great Gatsby: Guy fakes being rich so hard that he becomes rich but…unhappy? Anyway he dies. The end.

11. LOTR: Classic English literature repackaged with 300% more elves. The end.

12. A Clockwork Orange (UK): An ultraviolent young droog eventually learns the error of his ways. The end.

13. A Clockwork Orange (US): An ultraviolent young droog never learns the error of his ways. The end.

14. Stranger in a Strange Land: Martian Jesus groks all the answers. Water. The end. (Discarded joke: “He groks on water.”)

15. “The Tell-Tale Heart”: His eye freaked me out so I chopped him up and hid him in the floor! Oh, then I immediately confessed. The end.

15a. “The Tell-Tale Heart” alternate version: “I didn’t kill that guy! Okay i killed that guy. He’s in the floor.” The end.

16. Moby Dick: It turns out you can’t kill Mother Nature’s disdain for man with a harpoon. Also: Queequeg’s Coffin is an awesome band name. The end.

17. Lord of the Flies: About a jillion reasons why boys need parental supervision. RIP Piggy. The end.

18. Fahrenheit 451: Hedonistic, anti-intellectual society burns books. Guy named Guy thinks this is bad. Then: nukes. The end.

19. Brave New World: Hedonistic, anti-intellectuals find “savage” son of exile. But society sucks so he hangs himself. The end.

20. To Kill a Mockingbird: 2 weirdname kids & their weirdname dad try & fight racism. Then 3rd weirdname guy saves them kinda? The end.


  1. The LOTR and Lord of the Flies (LOTF?) ones made me lol. Hilarious post.

    1. Glad you liked it too. I found it quite hilarious myself. :)

  2. My favorites were Lord of the Flies and Dracula. Awesome, awesome stuff.

    1. The Lord of the Flies one is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. My other favorite is To Kill a Mockingbird.


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